Theater mentorship program reflections

Yesterday, I started a new mentorship program and we had our orientation. Three hours in a room of artists, most of which I don’t really know. Yet, we became connected so quickly.

We went through the nuts and bolts: introductions, program overview and building tour. But also, we named our existing connections to those in the room, we aired some grievances and started to work together on a composition. I won’t name the program or company yet, as they haven’t announced this year’s mentees publicly, but I do want to reflect on this experience.

Theater companies, especially in Portland, have their values driven mission statements which often include things like equity, inclusivity, diversity, transparency and other high level concepts. But what do these look like in practice? Plenty of times, it doesn’t translate either to the work itself or how the artists/staff are treated. As a disabled trans artist, who is not afraid to have an opinion or ask questions, it is no surprise I have been burnt by these companies for exhibiting the very same values they claim to uphold. Insert your nonprofit industrial complex commentary here, it likely fits.

However, this company disrupted that pattern off the bat. Active discussion around the disconnect from missions and practice was in the room from day 1. One of this company’s core tenets? TRANSPARENCY. And that was evident not just in naming that, but also showing it. Pay equity of company members is foundational to the mission from the beginning and was brought up by the artistic director. This feels so different compared to other spaces in town where whistleblowers in theater pay equity frequently get categorized as ungrateful or not willing to put in the work. Where folks pointing out holes or inconsistencies in publicly available tax documents find their positions suddenly, no longer funded. Needless to say, being in this room was refreshing.

Maybe the most radical act? Holding space to name existing connections and relationships, putting them out into the room. Again, transparency, but deeper than that, acknowledging we all come to the program with different experiences and connections. In this business, these connections are currency; these connections are how people get opportunities that may have never been publicly posted, or how you get in audition room in the first place. This isn’t an inherently negative thing as connection is a key part of art, but it is also complicated and raises questions about equity and accessibility of opportunity. This kind of transparency I believe is how we navigate these concerns with grace and intention; I have never seen it practiced in this way before.

What was the result? The program directors gave us an assignment to work on a composition and left the room; we began working not just on the surface, but deeply. There was reflexiveness in the room, loving teasing about our theatrical training kicking in and complete vulnerability to make an earnest declaration. While doing viewpoints, there was meta commentary about the technique; we could hold space to recognize the silly parts, while also taking the practice completely seriously. We laughed, we left questions unanswered and communicated where we were act: scared, so fucking tired, nervously sweaty and excited at the opportunity.

One theme that emerged was the dichotomy of fear/connection. How lonely, isolating fear is, how connection cuts through. Even deeper though, an acknowledgement that connection takes exhausting levels of work. After all, live performance is ephemeral. It requires people to show up and bear witness, despite the barriers to get there. Doing the work as an artist is just as much about making the art as it is getting the art seen. But, what do we sacrifice for that? How do we tell the difference between the inconvenience necessary to build the connections we need in this isolated world and pouring yourself out until there’s nothing left?

I certainly don’t know the answer and don’t expect to any time soon, but I am extremely lucky to be exploring these questions with this group. Radical transparency opened the space for this dialogue, and I firmly believe the art is all the better for it.